Before and After

So, the x-ray pics tell a large part of Little Man's story. The first one is the x-ray that was taken right after he was born. You can double click on the image to make it larger. He is laying on the x-ray plate so our right is his left. So I'm going to reference how they look in the pictures to make it easier. The large "mass" pushed over to the left is his heart. The spaghetti looking noodles are his intestine (small and part of large, appendix, and spleen all where they should not be)! The black space on the right down in his abdomen is air-where his intestine should be. The second picture is after his repair-his heart is back at midline, his bowel is back down where it should be and if you look closely at his lungs you can see where one is larger than the other-the smaller one looks amazing though!!

My dear friends, this is the result of God's hand. Surgeons can perform surgery. Doctors and nurses can administer drugs, give oxygen and the best "care" possible. But they can not make lungs grow. No amount of science, technology, "religion", or luck can make this happen. But The Great Physician can..."for nothing is impossible with God" Luke 1:37.

I did not see the first x-ray until after his surgery. Daniel saw it the first day while I was still in recovery. And looking back on it now, it's probably best that I didn't see it. So much emotion comes back as I look at that x-ray. We were so anxious-waiting as each hour passed. Praying and hoping, yet trusting God for HIS best for Preston Banks. And then, that night, as he was just hours old, Dr. Rao and Dr. Camps told us that he would undergo surgery the next day because his pulmonary pressure was so good and he was remaining so stable-ENTER FEAR!! If you recall-we were told that in the best case scenario we would have surgery in 48 hours. They would need time to "watch him" and see how stable he was. I will never forget that night. I slept for 2 hours. All I could do was lay in the bed (with those stupid anti-embolism things puffing on my legs), cry and pray. For God's timing is the perfect timing, but at 3am I was wondering if they were "experimenting" with my precious child. I didn't want any record for fastest surgery-I wanted everything to go as they said in our consult...and this curve ball they threw me was a nasty one!! However-this is the beauty of trusting God. Our timing, the timing that the best doctors and surgeons estimate, has NOTHING to do with what God wants. And letting go of what "normal" is and letting God do what His will is...it's a tough, but sweet place to rest.

So-you know the rest of the story. After only 21 days in the NICU we have a PROUD big sister and a precious baby boy! Mary Wallace still randomly says to this day "I cited, Bwover's home!!" And it brings tears to my eyes and my heart sings..."God is so good, God is so good, God is so Good, He's so good to me...He answer's prayer, He answer's prayer, He answer's prayer He's so good to me." Thank you for your prayers my sweet friends. I am so blessed.

I have attached the link to our first photo session with my dear friend Shannon. She's one of those friends...you know-they laugh with you, cry with you and for you, bring you Starbucks and sit while you spill your thoughts and fears for your unborn child...AND she has an amazing talent with her camera. Thank you dear friend-you captured the moments. Even that sweet bottom lip poking out when I took his passy!!!! http://www.saophotos.com/proofs/pbwebproofs/index.html

Getting Settled

The top one is Mary Wallace taking his pic! :) I said "Hey can I take your picture with brother-and she ran to get her camera-excuse the crazy hair!

Sorry that it's been so long since I posted-we've been trying to find our groove around here! Things are wonderful. We came home on the 10th, Mary Wallace turned 2 on the 14th and I have struggled with second baby guilt A LOT in the last 12 days! I'm really trying to give her 1 on 1 time while he is napping and I try to catch a nap when they are both napping! :)

I can't believe that Preston Banks was 1 month old on Saturday and will be home for 2 weeks as of Wednesday. Time flies when we are having fun! Mary Wallace is enjoying having "baby bwover" home. She LOVES to show anyone and everyone his room, sometimes multiple times. She thinks that it's the funniest thing when he "opens eyes"-in most of the pictures she saw he had his eyes closed-so she thinks it's the greatest when he opens them when she is crawling on top of him in the bouncy seat or climbing on the side of the bassinet to "see him"! The hardest part for her is when I'm feeding him and then having to pump afterward (just call me Bessie the Cow because I have all of this milk). That's a long time for my now 2 year old to be patient! Preston Banks is a good Baby Wise baby (yes I wake a sleeping baby to feed him) and the NICU helped with that! Thanks ladies-you did the hard work. His last night time feed is around 10-10:30 he wakes up around 3 and them again between 6:30 or 7! He doing so great!

We went to the surgeon, Dr. Camps, today for a follow-up. He said that his lungs sound good. We will have a follow-up x-ray next month and then meet with Dr. Camps again to make sure that his diaphragm has healed and see how his lung is growing (My next post will have the before and after x-rays!) We meet with the pediatric pulmonologist Dr. Brown, our pediatrician Dr. Dodds, and have an ECHO on his heart next month. We also get another Synagis shot to help prevent RSV. We got the sermon before we left the NICU, no church, no Walmart, no large crowds, no malls, no being around germy people-you get the drift. The common cold for us could be really bad for Preston Banks and I don't want to go back to the hospital so we will follow the doctor's orders!! We are psycho about hand washing around here-please reschedule a visit if you or your kids are sick!~It's not that we don't love you or want to see you-we just can't have little man getting sick!

We can't thank you enough again for all that you have done and are still doing. Your cards, kind words, phone calls, text messages, gifts and meals continue to humble and overwhelm us and always come at just the right moment. We thank God for you-our family and friends. To Dennis and Donna (Daniel's youth soccer coach)-Daniel wanted to send a special thank you-your kindness is so appreciated & "Sting never quit!" and thanks for the picture!

He's Coming Home!!!!!!

From Day 1....to Day 20!!

Tomorrow is the day that I have LONGED for, prayed for and anticipated...I can't put into words how excited we are that Preston Banks is coming home tomorrow!!!! Mary Wallace helped me put his car seat in the car tonight and said "Side you. Baby Bwover sit side you"-I can not wait to drive home from the hospital with my TWO children...as a family of four. I look forward to the sleepless nights...not like the ones I've had where I'm up pumping and worried about what kind of night he's having. Only calling the NICU two times each night, but wanting to call more. NOW-I get to hold him, comfort him, feed him, change his diapers...all of those "normal" things that you get to do as a mother. I no longer have a "visit" my baby boy, he will be home.

I am overwhelmed at God's goodness, His mercy, His faithfulness, His provision for each moment, and now, for HIS perfect timing in bringing our little man home. I have so much more to say-but I've gotta get his "coming home outfit" ready and pack the rest of his coming home gear so I'll share my thoughts when I'm up tomorrow night at 2am...watching him breathe!! We are coming home with NOTHING-no monitors, no medication, no nothing...and I'm a little nervous so please pray for us as we adjust to being a family of FOUR! What a mighty God we serve...and I could NEVER thank all of our NICU nurses and doctors enough. They have made the last 3 weeks easier on us, knowing that Preston Banks has been in the best hands with people who have his best interest in mind and love him. I am going to miss them so much. I have made some wonderful friendships in the last 20 days-they have loved my baby in ways that I couldn't! Thank you ALL!

Hooray for More Bottles

This week we have been operating on one nursing and one bottle feed per day. He has taken his bottle consistently and has gradually increased his nursing to a little over an ounce today! As I was leaving this afternoon the nurse practitioner that is in charge of us for the weekend informed me that we are going to bump him up to TWO bottles a day and one nursing...HOORAY for more oral feeds. I have to admit that I kind of hit the wall this week. Preston Banks made such HUGE strides daily in the first week of his life and now-it's all about feeding. And for those of you who don't know what I do for a living...it's working with kids who have feeding difficulties. My "babies" have more sensory/oral motor/coordination issues, none of which my child really displays-his is more respiratory. And respiratory, I can't "fix". However, he "looks" like some of my other babies in the past with the tube in his nose, therefore I feel that I should be able to take him home and work on these feeds myself. But that is not the case. I can't create respiratory reserve for him, no one can. He just needs time, and I just need patience!!

I know I'm whining. After all of the miracles that God has performed in Preston Banks' life-when I think about where we could be right now-I stop, and am overwhelmed with emotion that I can't begin to put into words. Daniel put it best this week when he said that we really don't have any idea what we "bypassed" in our situation-and in so many words, many doctors and nurses have said that to us. So, please pray for my patience as we work on these feeds. Please pray for good rest for us. Please pray that we will be forever changed by what we have SEEN God do. I only hope that I can get a copy of his first x-ray and post a copy of the ultrasound picture showing y'all what his chest looked like with half of his guts squishing his lungs. My dear friends, we truly have seen the healing hand of God.



Which brings me back to Sunday, January 17th. Daniel and I went to church for what we knew would be our last Sunday for a while since our little man would be arriving on the 20th. On our way to church, we heard the Jeremy Camp song "Healing Hand of God" and I began SOBBING! As I told you before, ALL of our Sunday School lessons had been about the miracles Jesus performed-and here I am listening to this song about seeing God's healing hand. I told Daniel that I knew that we HAD seen God's hand in our ultra sound pictures with the growth of his little lungs and in his heart moving a little more toward midline-yet I was so afraid of what the day of his birth held for our future. So-all the way to church I cried. Our Sunday School lesson was yet again on Jesus healing the crippled man's hand and raising a little girl from the dead. As we drove home-my mind was all over the place. I knew that NO MATTER WHAT God's plan was for Preston Banks' life, that I truly had seen God's healing hand. If He chose to take him home, or allow him to be in our family-I had physically seen God's hand in his life.


Fast forward to yesterday, I was driving to the hospital and "Healing Hand of God" came on. I began weeping-overwhelmed as I began to think back on all that God has done for us and for Preston Banks in the last 2 weeks. I called Daniel and told him that I don't ever want to forget-we can't ever forget-what we have SEEN God do. I know that the Lord has a plan for the testimony of Preston Banks' life-just like he has a plan for your life and mine. Grieving the loss of my cousin and my sweet Nana in the midst of all of this was more than I could bare as I prepared for the birth of Preston Banks and the ONLY place that I had left to go was in the hands of God-to just rest there. He carried me through every minute-as he still carries me now. Please listen to the song and thank God for how you have seen His hand work in the details of your life...even in great sorrow and pain, and times of overwhelming joy-God's hand is there healing and holding our hearts. So even now-God is slowly continuing to heal Preston Banks' lungs so that he is able to take his bottles. And in the process, I know He's going to teach me something new. Here is the link to the song & words
http://www.onlylyrics.com/hits.php?grid=11&id=1040005

More Prospective

So I think I'm going to take picture of how you enter the NICU, the scrub in area, the check in desk...a picture of me wearing a mask and a gown...that's what it's like when you enter this area. I just happened to "de-robe" before the picture from the previous post. What I can't take pictures of is how pitiful some of the babies are. You can't stop long enough to know their name-but you see enough as you pass to know how fragile they are. There are constant bells and alarms going off-I hear them in my sleep. And each one of these kids has a story. The saddest part...there are kids in our little boy's room that I have never seen anyone sitting beside their bed. I wonder if their Mom and Dad are working so that when the baby does get to come home, they have time left to take off...or if the Mom or Dad live far away and can't get there...or if they just don't care...my mind can hardly go there. I am reminded daily of how blessed we are that we live in the city where the NICU we need is located, how blessed I am to have parents who can keep Mary Wallace and cart me back and forth to the hospital...I am so blessed...

I've met two other mothers and I wanted to share their stories and ask you to pray-I won't share their names for their privacy. Both are from out of town. One has a baby that I know is not doing well tonight. I walked back in through the waiting room tonight and her entire family was in there-looking scared to death. I didn't see her. I went into the "pumping room" and wept for her. Here I've been feeling sorry for myself at 2am for the last two nights, tired, wanting to just hold my baby and have him home-and they are obviously in a very scary situation with their little girl-likely fighting for her life. Prospective-it changes everything. So tonight-I held Preston banks close-unable to kiss him through my mask and I held Mary Wallace a little longer, squeezed her a little tighter and thanked God for my two children. I'm praying hard for this family...

Another has twin girls-one went home last week-the other one had to stay in the hospital. How in the world do you manage that? She's been staying here in Columbia at the Ronald McDonald house for a month and her husband had to go back to work in their home town. So to my Sunday School class-the items that we collected at Christmas time for the Ronald McDonald house have a whole new meaning to me now that I have a face to put with a need.

Please pray for these families and their baby girls. Please pray for me as I meet new people with difficult stories, pray that I can show them God's love...life has new meaning when you see these tiny babies fighting for their lives.

ALMOST 30 and thankful!

Sorry that it's been so long since I've updated! In about 2 1/2 hours I will begin my life in the 30's and I have so much to be thankful for. I have an amazing husband, family and friends and God has blessed me with 2 precious children. I could write forever about all that I have to be thankful for. I used to think that 30 was old...funny how prospective changes things! I look back on wonderful memories and can't wait to see what God has in store for the rest of my days! Here's a recap on how things have gone...sorry that I haven't updated sooner.

On Friday, they bumped his feeds up to 60cc's or 2 oz! This is what he needs to be taking from the bottle 8 times a day before he can come home. On Friday he also nursed like a champion for the first time and then got a bottle in the evening. The plan at the time was to give him 1 bottle a day and attempt nursing him 1 time a day giving him at least 1 tube feed in between to "rest"...until yesterday when we hit our first speed bump in 10 days. Daniel went up early to give him his 11am bottle. He latched and began sucking, but he tired quickly, his respiratory rate went up and his oxygen dropped into the 80's (it has stayed high 90's to 100 the entire time!). So they immediately stopped, gave him a rest and tried again. Same thing so they quit. Ordered for his blood gases to be tested and ordered a chest x-ray. All came back great! (His x-ray looked the best yet!) His oxygen went back into the 90's-100 so and with as good as everything else looked there was no need to put him back on oxygen-he just needs to figure this out!



SO-as soon as Daniel came home, I went up and spent the evening with him. I spoke with our nurse practitioner (whom I LOVE) and she reminded me that eating is like exercise for him right now and that this is very common. He just had major surgery, is not even 2 weeks old, attempted 2 feeds or "exercises" on Friday...and was a little tired! I tried to put it into prospective - after having a c-section there is NO WAY I could exercise twice a day. But of course I left at shift change worried about my little man.



But in looking back, day 10 could have been 'surgery day' on ECMO, part of one of our worst case scenario's! I looked back at my old post to see all of the milestones that Preston Banks has achieved and I have so much to be thankful for. I guess I just need some bigger "Patience Panties" as we work through this feeding stuff.



Today (Sunday) Daniel went up this morning and said his second chest x-ray looked great. His respiratory rate is still a little elevated today, so we are going to give him today off of oral feeds too to see if things will settle down a little more and hopefully go back to 1 bottle tomorrow (Monday). Please pray that his respiratory rate will settle as he gets used to life outside of my belly and using his different sized lungs. Please pray for us as we continue to find a "schedule" each day for keeping up with NICU visits and caring for Mary Wallace. Thank you for all of your sweet messages, cards, food and most of all your prayers. God continues to reveal himself in new ways each day as we journey this road!! We have had the best care thus far and LOVE the doctors nurses and staff...God answered that prayer in a big way!

Miracles...

Miracles come in all forms, shapes and sizes. They may be big or small, something you have prayed for-or a surprise from God, a restored relationship, a new friendship, love like you've never known...but whatever form or size that they come in, they are miracles none the less. I have learned more about being thankful for God's miracles in the last 7 days than I have in my life. I pray that Daniel and I will be forever changed because of what God has done in our lives!



I have been blessed with 2 big miracles in tiny bodies. One is 23 months old and getting WAY too big too fast. She has curly brown hair, green eyes and a tender heart. She's my "bes fend" (best friend) as she says and I love her dearly. She is very verbal for her age, is very into knowing and telling you what color things are and LOVES music. During the last 6 weeks, her tender heart has shone like a bring light. During little "moments" of wondering if she would really get to be a big sister or praying for God's grace for getting us through the birth of her brother, I would be teary eyed and she would crawl into my lap (if she wasn't already there!) and say "K Mommy? Tissue Mommy...I wuv u mommy"...I pray that God will grow and use that tender heart of hers to minister to others. I pray that she will continue to be sensitive to God's calling on her life...my first tiny miracle is almost 2 and time has flown.


My second tiny miracle is 1 week old today. I was writing on his calendar in the NICU this morning...and EVERY single day has been a "First" of sorts so here's the rundown...



Wednesday: Born at 1:16 pm 7lb 2oz 19 3/4 in long. Brown hair, savage tan, diaphragmatic hernia...STABLE...cried 2 time for me to hear in the operating room...still STABLE



Thursday: Surgery to repair diaphragmatic hernia (Dr.'s said all along that Friday would be the earliest and best case scenario...took longer than expected, but went "very well" per his surgeon. He was able to repair the hole by pulling the diaphragm together and not having to use a synthetic patch to repair...very STABLE



Friday: Off of the Vent...are you kidding me...very stable...they suggested that you would be on this for a while! They took you off of the Vent at shift change and told us that you would be on a C-PAP machine. When we came back at 9-you were on Vapo-therm(a step below C-Pap)...basically a nasal cannula of oxygen with warm moist air. You remained on 21% (what you and I breathe) but getting 4 liters (a faster flow) STILL STABLE. Dr. Camps informed us that not only were your small intestine's in your chest cavity, but ALSO part of your large intestine, your spleen and your appendix. YET-he is amazed at how great your lungs look! HELLO-can you say miracle!

Saturday: First feed...yep-that's right first feed in your tube. 10 cc's...and you loved it

Sunday: Mommy gets to hold you for the first time! IV out of hand!

Monday: Line taken out of belly button. Tube moved to an NG tube and you are a happy boy to have that tube out of your mouth and in your nose instead...well not really-you try your hardest to pull out the oxygen and your tube!

Tuesday: First Bottle!! Daddy got to hold you for the first time and CHEST TUBE taken out!!! Dropped your oxygen to 2 liters

Wednesday: For your 1 week birthday they took you OFF OF YOUR OXYGEN completely! And as I type you are currently in a "special care" room-no longer in the "critical care" portion of the NICU. Translation...we are closer to the exit sign!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!! I keep telling people that we are not walking with God, we are SPRINTING with God. I pray that one day y'all will get to see his chest x-rays as proof of God's miracles. His first x-ray after surgery looks like he has spaghetti noodles in 1/2 of his chest and his heart is completely squished to the side...now your heart is exactly where it should be and it appears as you have 3/4 lung function on your "squished" lung side. Your neonatologist said that Dr. Shipley (my OB) told him about us in December and he had been worried about you. We talked again today and he said that he was amazed at all you had done in a week. I said I know-I thought we'd still be on the Vent...and he said-or on ECMO. Just to remind you, that's the heart lung bypass machine that they prepared us for him to have to go on...and it sounds like they expected him to go on...but then there's God's plan. As I said earlier this week. God's hand has been described as "amazing", "poster child for diaphragmatic hernia's", "can't believe how well he's done", "he's a little miracle"...and yes he is. He is another one of God's miracles and he just happens to be entrusted to me and Daniel to be his parents.

I can not tell you how I feel, one week later. When I think about everything that God has done to heal him in the last 7 days...there just aren't words. There are no words to describe seeing your child hooked up to machines and wires and wondering, praying, pleading with God that he would be able to breathe on his own. That he would experience a true quality of life. That he would not have any issues with his heart, that he would not have to be on tons of medication or remain on oxygen for a long time. That somehow in all of this, God would work in such a way that people would see his hand and know that it was nothing that the doctors had done...prayers answered.

There are so many things that I can do now, that I feared before. I can throw away the funeral "just in case sheet" that I had hidden and focus on a birth announcement, I can finally purchase a "coming home" outfit, I can buy "brother sister outfits", I can complete his room by adding canvases with his initials, I can wash the bassinet bedding, I can sit in his rocking chair and pray for the day that he comes home....so much to do in a short amount of time...my newest miracle is flying through the NICU and ready to come home to his sister!

So, whatever size shape or form your miracles came in for today...be thankful for them...and don't stop looking for them every day! Thank you all for praying for mine. Here is the verse we have taped in his bassinet at the hospital along with Joshua 1:9, "Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to YOUR name, be the glory because of your love and faithfulness." Psalm 115:1