ONE!

Really...1...ONE?!?! I blinked and this time with my precious baby boy has flown. At this time last year, 9:42 pm, Daniel and I were sitting in the NICU talking to the neonatologist and surgeon trying to process the fact that they were recommending surgery tomorrow-the very day after he was born. The mere suggestion of that boggled my brain, as most of you know, we were told that in the BEST case, he would have surgery 48 hours after he was born. Well, God's miracles trump best case ANY day...and the rest is history. My precious lamb had surgery the day after he was born, came off of the ventilator the very next day and was on the 3 week fast track out of the NICU...much faster than the 2 month minimum!

Those 21 days seem a little blurry to me. I remember the extreme guilt that I felt every time that I left the hospital-as I said before, there is nothing natural about "visiting" your baby...and also the extreme guilt that I had over not being with my baby girl. After all, she was the first born, my tender hearted soul and not being in our little routine and watching her kiss the video camera every time she saw her brother brought me to my knees. And this morning the first thing that she wanted to do was sing happy birthday to her brother...and use of a roll of tape to wrap his presents during his morning nap!

I will never forget the night that he was born, laying in the bed, holding his picture, and begging God to give him life, yet also praying that I would have peace for whatever God's best for my baby boy would be. And here I am tonight, celebrating the first year of his life with our family. I praise God for making my little man strong and courageous, for giving him life, and life to the fullest, and for the precious gift and completion that he brings to our family. I praise God for all of the ways that he has healed his body. I pray now that God will continue to protect both of my children, I pray that he will hold them close to him, speak to them in ways that there will be no doubt as to what God wants for them, and that they will come to know and love him and want to serve him. So tonight, as I rocked my baby boy, and sang to him as I wept, I held him a little longer, a little tighter...knowing that I am one blessed mama.

Thank you to my precious friends and family who loved us through the most difficult season of our lives. Thank you for your sweet calls and messages today! We love each of you and hope you know that you were God's light during a very difficult time in our lives.

Junior

Last Saturday we were finally home. I don't know where the past 2 months have gone...but we've been too busy. Little man is 8 months old in this pic! He is loving MOST table food and NOT eating baby food-that's another post. Anyway, after putting him in the tub last weekend, I tip-toed into his room to put this outfit on. And presto-JUNIOR! There's a story behind this outfit. I am the first person to say "dress them like babies-they have the rest of their life to wear Polo"...but this outfit has a story that makes me cry and I feel the need to write about it.

A little background info for this post: My husband lived in Chicago for several years before he moved home when we got married. His boss in Chicago was John...Italian, wears mostly black, strong New England accent, and a charmer! Daniel was like a fish out of water...STRONG Southern accent, Preppy, and far away from home with no family close by. Johnny and his wife Mary took Daniel in as their son. They spent holidays together and shared lots of good times. When we began dating Johnny took me in and gave me the name "Sunshine" and it stuck...now on to "Junior"...

Last December we were stunned, scared, terrified, shocked, worried, didn't want to talk about it, wanted to tell everyone we knew...lets just say every emotion, when we found out about Baby Boy's diaphragmatic hernia. The day we got the confirmed diagnosis, I needed normal. So I took baby girl to church to "Jingle Jam". My hubby needed information, so he stayed home and researched online...something I had forbid myself to do. I sat on the back row with friends and cried. I cried because of the amazing truth of Jesus' birth and I cried because I wanted everything to be ok. I just wanted things to be normal. I had only shared the news with a very few people so most of the people that saw me that night wanted to know how how much longer before I would be having our baby boy. I can't tell you how surreal it felt to have this "secret". I wanted to tell everyone and yet no one, all at the same time. I wondered if people would say the same things to me if they knew that something was wrong with my baby. I wondered if they would say anything at all. I wondered if they would look past me, not knowing what to say...because really, what do you say?

MW and I made it home from church only to find Daniel with tear stained cheeks still looking at the computer. He knew all of the questions to ask for our appointment on Monday, he had watched videos and found great hospitals. We put Miss Priss down and then tried to sleep. I didn't really want to know anything Daniel kept talking about because I was still in shock...sleep didn't come...

The next morning I was VERY anxious. I had so many questions running through my mind. I was fine one minute and crying the next. I composed a mass e-mail to send out because I didn't want to tell the story over and over but I wasn't ready to hit "Send" just yet. Some how by telling everyone it made it more real. I wanted to "do" something but the doctor said there was nothing I could do to make things better or worse, so I started nesting and vacuuming-needing to "DO SOMETHING". 2 people called that day that will always stand out in my mind. One of them was my husband's boss Johnny. The phone rang and I answered, only to hear the best New England accent I've ever heard "Hello Sunshine, Dan told me about the baby and I just wanted to check on you." I began to SOB. Just the fact that he picked up the phone-I just can't put into words how much it meant to me. He proceeded to tell me that he did not mean to upset me, he didn't know what to say, he only wanted to check on us...and all I could say over and over was "thank you so much for calling you don't know how much it means." And in true Johnny fashion, he had me laughing by the end of the conversation, reminding me not to name my kid John because who names their kid after a toilet!

Fast forward to after Little Man was born, a package arrived containing this outfit from the pictures above. Polo button up, khaki pants and a d-ring belt with a note that said "So you can dress like Daddy!" Love, John and Mary. A little poking fun at Daniel-and an extremely thoughtful gift all in one! So here to you Johnny and Mary-I love you more than I tell you! Thank you for picking up the phone and just calling...it's something I'll never forget! I pray that I will ALWAYS call the people I love, even when I don't know what you say. God used your phone call in more ways than you will ever know and if I do say so myself...Junior looks too cute in his "preppy Polo daddy gear!"

PS The shoes are hand-me-downs from my nephew that complete the "Daddy Junior" look. For those of you who want to know a little secret about my husband...he's worn grey New Balances for at least the last 15 years. He gets a new pair every year for Christmas from his mom that become the "Good" ones. He wore them before they were "cool" and will continue to wear them LONG after they are cool because when he finds something he likes-he sticks to it! Kind of like the mirrored Costa sunglasses he was wearing when we first started dating 9 years ago...I HATED them but he wouldn't budge! :) I was secretly happy when he told me he lost them...until he told me he got another pair...just like them!

My little 7 month old

Oh how the time zips by...and I'm telling you, this baby boy is the sweetest baby. This month was marked by some pretty interesting events. I guess the saying "confession is good for the soul" is true, so here it goes. Poor "Banksie" (MW's new pet name for him), this month you rolled off of my bed, your sister bit your hand, pushed you over, and ran over you with her baby stroller...all for the first time. (I can assure you he's not rolling off of my bed again, as for his sister beating up on him, this is just the beginning!) The rolling off of the bed just about sent me into the crazy bin. I'll spare you the entire story, but his head was almost touching the headboard of my bed and he had pillows on either side, which he must have used to propel himself! And for those of you who know my little Mary Wallace, this aggressive behavior is NOT like her at all! Needless to say, we have had lots of chats about using a gentle touch, what it means to show others God's love by how we treat them and using SELF CONTROL with our voice and our body! If I say MW in Titus 2:12 the bible tells us"God wants us to use self control even with our (voice, hands, feet etc)" one more time...I think I'll record it and just press play! The irony in it all is that she confesses and even told on herself (she said Mommy lemmie show you somethin'. I bump bumped on brother!) I think that God speaks to her with a guilty conscience (which she gets from me and I pray that He continues to speak to her in that way!) So, I praise her for her honesty and punish her for her wrong doings...Such is the life of training up these precious children right???!!! I wouldn't trade my job for the world!

On a different note, our Little Buddy was 16 lb 12oz at our doctor's visit this past month! His two bottom teeth are poking through and he continues to drool like a mad man! We are starting to get some "mmmmmmaa" especially when he's tired or whining but he mostly babbles dada and makes vowel sounds. Man it's so different having a boy! MW was babbling up a storm at this age and he's just smiley and chill but very active. His hands and feet are ALWAYS in constant motion (maybe a little ADHD from his Daddy is already kicking in!) He has started giving me a real fit when he's eating baby food. I am really earning my keep now-too bad I can't get paid to work with him. (For those of you who don't know, I'm see a few kids for feeding issues once a week!) It's frustrating and cute all at the same time. He bites his bottom lip and turns his head in the complete opposite direction. The faster I try to get the spoon to that side, the faster he shakes his head! Then we stop, he smiles, I sneak in a bite, and we do it all over again! I officially bought him some therapy tools so let's hope I can work on his eating before he makes me crazy!

I feel like we are a little more settled now...like our routine is set and life as a family of 4 is good. It's good and bad though, because sometimes in feeling settled I don't trust God the way that I should. I don't pray as expectantly as I do when things are unsettled and I don't like that about me. I feel like a lot of our friends and their families are hurting right now and I want God to show me how to minister to them, even if I have two kids in tow! I have much to learn and to be thankful for-and I'm going to go to sleep tonight, thanking God for all that He has give me!

The Sweet Tooth Strikes Again!

So, last week MW and I did quite a bit of baking. Awhile back, I purchased the book Pinkalicious...which I regret. The little girl is quite sassy in the book and I end up having to ad-lib most of it every time we read it. The trouble is, priss remembers how I "read it" last time and I don't! So that makes for interesting conversation, and she is obsessed with the book and all things pink so we better loose the book or find some memory for Mama. Anyway, she has been asking for pink cupcakes every time we read the book, so we decided to make pink cupcakes last Tuesday. They were yummy and she enjoyed sharing with friends. Then on Thursday, I had a chocolate attack so I made brownies and ate 3/4 of the pan in 24 hours. She enjoyed the two that she got to eat! She loves "ta-ko-late" like her Mama!

THEN, on Saturday we decided to practice with our cookies on a stick pan (the first go round they were HUGE because I put too much sugar cookie batter in the molds) so we made chocolate chip cookies (see above pics for how much she enjoyed the process!) The best part was when I pulled a spoon out of the drawer to drop the batter into the pan. MW busted out laughing and said "Mama, you can't use dat one! It's da spankin' spoon!" I about lost it, and tried to compose myself as I explained that wooden spoons are used for things other than when we disobey and need a spanking-you also must know that we have a spanking spoon upstairs, downstairs and in the car thanks to my friend Kathryn's advice! Anyway, the cookies on a stick were a bust. I put too much batter in the molds again AND I burnt them, but she didn't seem to mind. I love having time with her in the kitchen. It's a test of patience and I have to remember that we are going to have a HUGE mess every time, but when she said "This is so fun Mama-I love dis!" I was reminded of the importance of quality time and making special memories with her. Things always seem so busy with her little brother between nursing, diaper changes, outfit changes from yet another blow out etc...I know that I neglect time with her. I can't believe that she's 2 1/2 and growing up so fast-I'm going to hold on tight and enjoy every "sweet" minute! Thanks be to God for the gift of being a Mommy to my precious baby girl.

1/2 of a year and What's his name?

Someone pinch me because I'm not sure where the time has gone! I didn't even write a 5 month post...I mean it's not like I'm sitting around the house eating bon bon's, but I do want to document what's going on! My little man is 6 months old, and my baby girl is almost 2 1/2. The past 2 months have been wonderful! Baby Banks has been growing like crazy. Our last appointment with the cardiologist was July 2nd and we have been placed on the "Call in 2 1/2 years" list! The flap has still not closed HOWEVER his pulmonary pressure was wonderful and his ECHO checked out really well, so for now, unless he shows us some other sign clinically-we don't have to go back until my little man turns 3! That's a huge praise for us! 20% of our population is walking around with small hole like this and the cardiologist said that his only restriction if it did not close would be no scuba diving...I think we can handle that! :)

My little man constantly looks like a glazed doughnut because of all of his drool!! If we could just get those bottom teeth in he would feel like a new man! He has found his voice and is babbling "daaadaadaaa" go figure! :)

And as for his name, we are going to call him "Banks". He is currently called 'baby brother' by his sissy and most of her friends-and 'baby Banks' by others! We often still refer to him as Preston Banks because we prayed for him for so long as that. We were going to decide which name he "looked like" after he was born, but as you know, we had a little more than a name to think about!

We have been going what feels like non stop! We've been to the mountains, to the beach and visiting family and friends! Both of my kiddo's have pretty bad sinus infections at the moment but have been healthy otherwise-we have so much to be thankful for! We have been going to the free movie on hot days, playing in the sprinklers, and spending lots of time playing dress up, crafting and whatever else we can do inside to beat the heat. Mary Wallace is doing really well potty training-so that's another good reason to stay close to home! She is such a great big sister! We'll be playing downstairs and she'll say, "Yets (lets) go check on baby bwother." AKA-wake him up! I want to see him! I gently remind her that he needs his morning nap and she needs some time with me! Her newest Wallace-isms are:

(this one happened at the beach while my cousin Misty was serving little individual servings of banana pudding in cups...upon seeing the dessert she yelled loudly) "Hey y'all-I need to stick my finger in sum-a-dat!" Yes, she is saying y'all!

some others...

Me:Mary Wallace, Mommy said no, not right now, maybe later.

MW: Ok, Mama, we see about dat later, k?

or

"Mama, yet (let) me do it...dat (that) be good?"

and while singing the "beloved" Barney song..."Me love you, Me love you, we're a happy family"...and then she gets the rest of the song right it's just the first part that gets her every time!

And while we are saying our prayers, I obviously always start with what we are thanking God for, and then what we are petitioning God for. Well she just thanks God for everything. We have been asking God to heal Aunt Nellie's tummy and help Daddy's lip to feel better but she prays "Dear God, thank you for Aunt Nellie's tummy, thank you for Daddy's lip, thank you for my boo boo..." It's really kinda funny sometimes and I have to keep a straight face-but the sweet innocent moments are the ones I'll cherish forever. She is STILL obsessed with John the Baptist and we read about him nightly. She loves to teach her bible lesson to her baby dolls and stuffed animals. Now seems to be such a critical point for her learning and she is repeating everything!

Many of you will laugh at this, but when I found out that I was having a boy I COULD NOT WAIT to dress my kids alike! I am all about some brother/sister clothes! Then, when we found out about his hernia, I wondered if he didn't make it how it would feel to be shopping, knowing that there should be someone else to buy for, someone else to dress alike for the picture...obviously not one of my "big" worries at the time, but just one of those things I thought about! And now that it's the "season" for home clothing shows for kids, I LOVE buying them clothes to match! I probably have 1 more year to do this without Daniel telling me no way...and I'm going to milk it for all it's worth! :)

"There were 2 in the bed...

...and the little one said Roll Over, Roll Over"-that's all my squirmy boy does these days. He can go from back to tummy easily but has done tummy to back only a few times. He's so fun to watch! This month has brought about a major growth spurt, consistently sleeping through the night (hooray), LOTS of drool, more smiles, and lots of coos. He is so funny tracking Mary Wallace as she moves about through the house and is less startled by her loud noises and being all up in his face! :) We made our first 'road trip' to Atlanta and he did great riding in the car, so great that we are going to the mountains next weekend for my family reunion. I took "2 babies" to the zoo for the first time. (Side bar-that's Mary Wallace's new thing-"Mommy you hold 2 babies?" meaning she wants me to hold her while I'm currently holding him! Or, "Mommy you take 2 babies outside?" Looking back, when we pray I often say how thankful I am that God has given me 2 babies! So that's where she's getting it!) Preston Banks has a few new nicknames Drooly Boy and Squirmy. The child is very laid back but is always turning his head to see what is going on or squirming around in your arms while you hold him. And when he's in the bouncy seat you MUST buckle both straps tightly or he will turn over and roll out (almost happened to me-just crown me Mother of the Year!)


Time is flying - I can't believe how quickly 4 months have passed. I long for a pause button for life right now. I love the ages of my babies and I LOVE to see them together. Mary Wallace is into helping change his diaper, helping push him in the stroller, rolling beside him on the floor to show him how to do it-and both of my babies are cuddle bugs, especially at night. They love to read books and sing songs-I often get misty eyed as I hear Mary Wallace singing 'mazing Grace or Jesus Loves Me. I love to hear her ask for "Don the Baptist" also known as John the Baptist or "Whale Swallowed Jonah" EVERY NIGHT when asked if there is a special bible story she would like to read. I love to hear her sing our bible verses or use character words that I think she will NEVER understand i.e. "Ok Mommy, I be patient for you" or "I sorry Mommy, I use kind words"...she is a little sponge right now and I love this teaching time.

These days baby Banks loves to coo, and I've found his tickle spot-just underneath his bottom rib-where is scar is! He's so precious! He squirms and does this cute cough/laugh when I tickle him. He just goes with the flow and is pretty laid back. He loves to sit in the Bumbo seat and is getting too long for the bouncy seat! Sometimes, it still feels like a dream...all that we went through, all that God has provided...but he has the scar to prove it-and I pray that I will never stop telling Preston Banks how God has already worked in his little life!

PS I failed to post that our meeting with the cardiologist went well. He did an EKG in his office and the hole in his heart is still there, however he doesn't have any signs of pulmonary hypertension (both clinically and through the EKG and ECHO) so we will go back to see him in July for a follow up ECHO to keep track of things. Please continue to pray that the hole will close on it's own.

Two Months and Two Years

So, it's been awhile since I've posted...and my babies are growing up SO fast! These are two of my favorite pictures of them! Mary Wallace has become obcessed with umbrella's ever since the Great Snowstorm 2010-and my little smily man-that picture sums him up!

Mary Wallace turned two four days after Preston Banks came home and I never wrote a "2 Year' post for her...here are some of my favorite "Mary Wallaceisms"

-"Mommy, opeM it please..." (with an M instead of an N...too cute to correct)

-upon entering a local children's shoe boutique..."I love dese boots mommy, and dese flip flops...and dese pincess shoes (that's what she calls high heels)"

-"Hi baby bwover, I love you baby bwover" several times during the day she will say this and be SUPER excited like she's never seen him before.

-"Get some more" and "Buy Some"...she says this about everything she wants to do again or have more of..."Get some more slide and swing" "Daddy get some more yogert" or "Mommy buy some new shoes (meaning for HER and with her head tiled slightly)

-I love DIS one...as she points to shoes, a dress, a bow...she is a girly girl and LOVES to shop...her Daddy is in trouble!!

-And my favorite-"Mommy push that butt"...she means button!

She is my precious baby girl and I don't know what I would do without her! How blessed I am to have "one of each"!

SO much has happened in the last few weeks. We have seen the pediatric pulmonologist, gotten our first round of shots, x-rays, follow-up appointment with the surgeon, ECHO...and all were an "A+" except for the ECHO. He still has the hole in his heart with some shunting so we are going to see the pediatric cardiologist this coming Thursday. For all that my little man has been through-we have so much to be thankful for. Every time I change his diaper or give him a bath and see his scar (which is healing SO well) I am reminded of everything he (and WE) have been through, and how I have witnessed God's healing hand. Please pray with me that He will heal this hole in his heart and that we will get answers to our questions on Thursday!

Oh, and he will be 3 months old in 3 days so I'll post faster this time! :)

-

Before and After

So, the x-ray pics tell a large part of Little Man's story. The first one is the x-ray that was taken right after he was born. You can double click on the image to make it larger. He is laying on the x-ray plate so our right is his left. So I'm going to reference how they look in the pictures to make it easier. The large "mass" pushed over to the left is his heart. The spaghetti looking noodles are his intestine (small and part of large, appendix, and spleen all where they should not be)! The black space on the right down in his abdomen is air-where his intestine should be. The second picture is after his repair-his heart is back at midline, his bowel is back down where it should be and if you look closely at his lungs you can see where one is larger than the other-the smaller one looks amazing though!!

My dear friends, this is the result of God's hand. Surgeons can perform surgery. Doctors and nurses can administer drugs, give oxygen and the best "care" possible. But they can not make lungs grow. No amount of science, technology, "religion", or luck can make this happen. But The Great Physician can..."for nothing is impossible with God" Luke 1:37.

I did not see the first x-ray until after his surgery. Daniel saw it the first day while I was still in recovery. And looking back on it now, it's probably best that I didn't see it. So much emotion comes back as I look at that x-ray. We were so anxious-waiting as each hour passed. Praying and hoping, yet trusting God for HIS best for Preston Banks. And then, that night, as he was just hours old, Dr. Rao and Dr. Camps told us that he would undergo surgery the next day because his pulmonary pressure was so good and he was remaining so stable-ENTER FEAR!! If you recall-we were told that in the best case scenario we would have surgery in 48 hours. They would need time to "watch him" and see how stable he was. I will never forget that night. I slept for 2 hours. All I could do was lay in the bed (with those stupid anti-embolism things puffing on my legs), cry and pray. For God's timing is the perfect timing, but at 3am I was wondering if they were "experimenting" with my precious child. I didn't want any record for fastest surgery-I wanted everything to go as they said in our consult...and this curve ball they threw me was a nasty one!! However-this is the beauty of trusting God. Our timing, the timing that the best doctors and surgeons estimate, has NOTHING to do with what God wants. And letting go of what "normal" is and letting God do what His will is...it's a tough, but sweet place to rest.

So-you know the rest of the story. After only 21 days in the NICU we have a PROUD big sister and a precious baby boy! Mary Wallace still randomly says to this day "I cited, Bwover's home!!" And it brings tears to my eyes and my heart sings..."God is so good, God is so good, God is so Good, He's so good to me...He answer's prayer, He answer's prayer, He answer's prayer He's so good to me." Thank you for your prayers my sweet friends. I am so blessed.

I have attached the link to our first photo session with my dear friend Shannon. She's one of those friends...you know-they laugh with you, cry with you and for you, bring you Starbucks and sit while you spill your thoughts and fears for your unborn child...AND she has an amazing talent with her camera. Thank you dear friend-you captured the moments. Even that sweet bottom lip poking out when I took his passy!!!! http://www.saophotos.com/proofs/pbwebproofs/index.html

Getting Settled

The top one is Mary Wallace taking his pic! :) I said "Hey can I take your picture with brother-and she ran to get her camera-excuse the crazy hair!

Sorry that it's been so long since I posted-we've been trying to find our groove around here! Things are wonderful. We came home on the 10th, Mary Wallace turned 2 on the 14th and I have struggled with second baby guilt A LOT in the last 12 days! I'm really trying to give her 1 on 1 time while he is napping and I try to catch a nap when they are both napping! :)

I can't believe that Preston Banks was 1 month old on Saturday and will be home for 2 weeks as of Wednesday. Time flies when we are having fun! Mary Wallace is enjoying having "baby bwover" home. She LOVES to show anyone and everyone his room, sometimes multiple times. She thinks that it's the funniest thing when he "opens eyes"-in most of the pictures she saw he had his eyes closed-so she thinks it's the greatest when he opens them when she is crawling on top of him in the bouncy seat or climbing on the side of the bassinet to "see him"! The hardest part for her is when I'm feeding him and then having to pump afterward (just call me Bessie the Cow because I have all of this milk). That's a long time for my now 2 year old to be patient! Preston Banks is a good Baby Wise baby (yes I wake a sleeping baby to feed him) and the NICU helped with that! Thanks ladies-you did the hard work. His last night time feed is around 10-10:30 he wakes up around 3 and them again between 6:30 or 7! He doing so great!

We went to the surgeon, Dr. Camps, today for a follow-up. He said that his lungs sound good. We will have a follow-up x-ray next month and then meet with Dr. Camps again to make sure that his diaphragm has healed and see how his lung is growing (My next post will have the before and after x-rays!) We meet with the pediatric pulmonologist Dr. Brown, our pediatrician Dr. Dodds, and have an ECHO on his heart next month. We also get another Synagis shot to help prevent RSV. We got the sermon before we left the NICU, no church, no Walmart, no large crowds, no malls, no being around germy people-you get the drift. The common cold for us could be really bad for Preston Banks and I don't want to go back to the hospital so we will follow the doctor's orders!! We are psycho about hand washing around here-please reschedule a visit if you or your kids are sick!~It's not that we don't love you or want to see you-we just can't have little man getting sick!

We can't thank you enough again for all that you have done and are still doing. Your cards, kind words, phone calls, text messages, gifts and meals continue to humble and overwhelm us and always come at just the right moment. We thank God for you-our family and friends. To Dennis and Donna (Daniel's youth soccer coach)-Daniel wanted to send a special thank you-your kindness is so appreciated & "Sting never quit!" and thanks for the picture!

He's Coming Home!!!!!!

From Day 1....to Day 20!!

Tomorrow is the day that I have LONGED for, prayed for and anticipated...I can't put into words how excited we are that Preston Banks is coming home tomorrow!!!! Mary Wallace helped me put his car seat in the car tonight and said "Side you. Baby Bwover sit side you"-I can not wait to drive home from the hospital with my TWO children...as a family of four. I look forward to the sleepless nights...not like the ones I've had where I'm up pumping and worried about what kind of night he's having. Only calling the NICU two times each night, but wanting to call more. NOW-I get to hold him, comfort him, feed him, change his diapers...all of those "normal" things that you get to do as a mother. I no longer have a "visit" my baby boy, he will be home.

I am overwhelmed at God's goodness, His mercy, His faithfulness, His provision for each moment, and now, for HIS perfect timing in bringing our little man home. I have so much more to say-but I've gotta get his "coming home outfit" ready and pack the rest of his coming home gear so I'll share my thoughts when I'm up tomorrow night at 2am...watching him breathe!! We are coming home with NOTHING-no monitors, no medication, no nothing...and I'm a little nervous so please pray for us as we adjust to being a family of FOUR! What a mighty God we serve...and I could NEVER thank all of our NICU nurses and doctors enough. They have made the last 3 weeks easier on us, knowing that Preston Banks has been in the best hands with people who have his best interest in mind and love him. I am going to miss them so much. I have made some wonderful friendships in the last 20 days-they have loved my baby in ways that I couldn't! Thank you ALL!

Hooray for More Bottles

This week we have been operating on one nursing and one bottle feed per day. He has taken his bottle consistently and has gradually increased his nursing to a little over an ounce today! As I was leaving this afternoon the nurse practitioner that is in charge of us for the weekend informed me that we are going to bump him up to TWO bottles a day and one nursing...HOORAY for more oral feeds. I have to admit that I kind of hit the wall this week. Preston Banks made such HUGE strides daily in the first week of his life and now-it's all about feeding. And for those of you who don't know what I do for a living...it's working with kids who have feeding difficulties. My "babies" have more sensory/oral motor/coordination issues, none of which my child really displays-his is more respiratory. And respiratory, I can't "fix". However, he "looks" like some of my other babies in the past with the tube in his nose, therefore I feel that I should be able to take him home and work on these feeds myself. But that is not the case. I can't create respiratory reserve for him, no one can. He just needs time, and I just need patience!!

I know I'm whining. After all of the miracles that God has performed in Preston Banks' life-when I think about where we could be right now-I stop, and am overwhelmed with emotion that I can't begin to put into words. Daniel put it best this week when he said that we really don't have any idea what we "bypassed" in our situation-and in so many words, many doctors and nurses have said that to us. So, please pray for my patience as we work on these feeds. Please pray for good rest for us. Please pray that we will be forever changed by what we have SEEN God do. I only hope that I can get a copy of his first x-ray and post a copy of the ultrasound picture showing y'all what his chest looked like with half of his guts squishing his lungs. My dear friends, we truly have seen the healing hand of God.



Which brings me back to Sunday, January 17th. Daniel and I went to church for what we knew would be our last Sunday for a while since our little man would be arriving on the 20th. On our way to church, we heard the Jeremy Camp song "Healing Hand of God" and I began SOBBING! As I told you before, ALL of our Sunday School lessons had been about the miracles Jesus performed-and here I am listening to this song about seeing God's healing hand. I told Daniel that I knew that we HAD seen God's hand in our ultra sound pictures with the growth of his little lungs and in his heart moving a little more toward midline-yet I was so afraid of what the day of his birth held for our future. So-all the way to church I cried. Our Sunday School lesson was yet again on Jesus healing the crippled man's hand and raising a little girl from the dead. As we drove home-my mind was all over the place. I knew that NO MATTER WHAT God's plan was for Preston Banks' life, that I truly had seen God's healing hand. If He chose to take him home, or allow him to be in our family-I had physically seen God's hand in his life.


Fast forward to yesterday, I was driving to the hospital and "Healing Hand of God" came on. I began weeping-overwhelmed as I began to think back on all that God has done for us and for Preston Banks in the last 2 weeks. I called Daniel and told him that I don't ever want to forget-we can't ever forget-what we have SEEN God do. I know that the Lord has a plan for the testimony of Preston Banks' life-just like he has a plan for your life and mine. Grieving the loss of my cousin and my sweet Nana in the midst of all of this was more than I could bare as I prepared for the birth of Preston Banks and the ONLY place that I had left to go was in the hands of God-to just rest there. He carried me through every minute-as he still carries me now. Please listen to the song and thank God for how you have seen His hand work in the details of your life...even in great sorrow and pain, and times of overwhelming joy-God's hand is there healing and holding our hearts. So even now-God is slowly continuing to heal Preston Banks' lungs so that he is able to take his bottles. And in the process, I know He's going to teach me something new. Here is the link to the song & words
http://www.onlylyrics.com/hits.php?grid=11&id=1040005

More Prospective

So I think I'm going to take picture of how you enter the NICU, the scrub in area, the check in desk...a picture of me wearing a mask and a gown...that's what it's like when you enter this area. I just happened to "de-robe" before the picture from the previous post. What I can't take pictures of is how pitiful some of the babies are. You can't stop long enough to know their name-but you see enough as you pass to know how fragile they are. There are constant bells and alarms going off-I hear them in my sleep. And each one of these kids has a story. The saddest part...there are kids in our little boy's room that I have never seen anyone sitting beside their bed. I wonder if their Mom and Dad are working so that when the baby does get to come home, they have time left to take off...or if the Mom or Dad live far away and can't get there...or if they just don't care...my mind can hardly go there. I am reminded daily of how blessed we are that we live in the city where the NICU we need is located, how blessed I am to have parents who can keep Mary Wallace and cart me back and forth to the hospital...I am so blessed...

I've met two other mothers and I wanted to share their stories and ask you to pray-I won't share their names for their privacy. Both are from out of town. One has a baby that I know is not doing well tonight. I walked back in through the waiting room tonight and her entire family was in there-looking scared to death. I didn't see her. I went into the "pumping room" and wept for her. Here I've been feeling sorry for myself at 2am for the last two nights, tired, wanting to just hold my baby and have him home-and they are obviously in a very scary situation with their little girl-likely fighting for her life. Prospective-it changes everything. So tonight-I held Preston banks close-unable to kiss him through my mask and I held Mary Wallace a little longer, squeezed her a little tighter and thanked God for my two children. I'm praying hard for this family...

Another has twin girls-one went home last week-the other one had to stay in the hospital. How in the world do you manage that? She's been staying here in Columbia at the Ronald McDonald house for a month and her husband had to go back to work in their home town. So to my Sunday School class-the items that we collected at Christmas time for the Ronald McDonald house have a whole new meaning to me now that I have a face to put with a need.

Please pray for these families and their baby girls. Please pray for me as I meet new people with difficult stories, pray that I can show them God's love...life has new meaning when you see these tiny babies fighting for their lives.

ALMOST 30 and thankful!

Sorry that it's been so long since I've updated! In about 2 1/2 hours I will begin my life in the 30's and I have so much to be thankful for. I have an amazing husband, family and friends and God has blessed me with 2 precious children. I could write forever about all that I have to be thankful for. I used to think that 30 was old...funny how prospective changes things! I look back on wonderful memories and can't wait to see what God has in store for the rest of my days! Here's a recap on how things have gone...sorry that I haven't updated sooner.

On Friday, they bumped his feeds up to 60cc's or 2 oz! This is what he needs to be taking from the bottle 8 times a day before he can come home. On Friday he also nursed like a champion for the first time and then got a bottle in the evening. The plan at the time was to give him 1 bottle a day and attempt nursing him 1 time a day giving him at least 1 tube feed in between to "rest"...until yesterday when we hit our first speed bump in 10 days. Daniel went up early to give him his 11am bottle. He latched and began sucking, but he tired quickly, his respiratory rate went up and his oxygen dropped into the 80's (it has stayed high 90's to 100 the entire time!). So they immediately stopped, gave him a rest and tried again. Same thing so they quit. Ordered for his blood gases to be tested and ordered a chest x-ray. All came back great! (His x-ray looked the best yet!) His oxygen went back into the 90's-100 so and with as good as everything else looked there was no need to put him back on oxygen-he just needs to figure this out!



SO-as soon as Daniel came home, I went up and spent the evening with him. I spoke with our nurse practitioner (whom I LOVE) and she reminded me that eating is like exercise for him right now and that this is very common. He just had major surgery, is not even 2 weeks old, attempted 2 feeds or "exercises" on Friday...and was a little tired! I tried to put it into prospective - after having a c-section there is NO WAY I could exercise twice a day. But of course I left at shift change worried about my little man.



But in looking back, day 10 could have been 'surgery day' on ECMO, part of one of our worst case scenario's! I looked back at my old post to see all of the milestones that Preston Banks has achieved and I have so much to be thankful for. I guess I just need some bigger "Patience Panties" as we work through this feeding stuff.



Today (Sunday) Daniel went up this morning and said his second chest x-ray looked great. His respiratory rate is still a little elevated today, so we are going to give him today off of oral feeds too to see if things will settle down a little more and hopefully go back to 1 bottle tomorrow (Monday). Please pray that his respiratory rate will settle as he gets used to life outside of my belly and using his different sized lungs. Please pray for us as we continue to find a "schedule" each day for keeping up with NICU visits and caring for Mary Wallace. Thank you for all of your sweet messages, cards, food and most of all your prayers. God continues to reveal himself in new ways each day as we journey this road!! We have had the best care thus far and LOVE the doctors nurses and staff...God answered that prayer in a big way!

Miracles...

Miracles come in all forms, shapes and sizes. They may be big or small, something you have prayed for-or a surprise from God, a restored relationship, a new friendship, love like you've never known...but whatever form or size that they come in, they are miracles none the less. I have learned more about being thankful for God's miracles in the last 7 days than I have in my life. I pray that Daniel and I will be forever changed because of what God has done in our lives!



I have been blessed with 2 big miracles in tiny bodies. One is 23 months old and getting WAY too big too fast. She has curly brown hair, green eyes and a tender heart. She's my "bes fend" (best friend) as she says and I love her dearly. She is very verbal for her age, is very into knowing and telling you what color things are and LOVES music. During the last 6 weeks, her tender heart has shone like a bring light. During little "moments" of wondering if she would really get to be a big sister or praying for God's grace for getting us through the birth of her brother, I would be teary eyed and she would crawl into my lap (if she wasn't already there!) and say "K Mommy? Tissue Mommy...I wuv u mommy"...I pray that God will grow and use that tender heart of hers to minister to others. I pray that she will continue to be sensitive to God's calling on her life...my first tiny miracle is almost 2 and time has flown.


My second tiny miracle is 1 week old today. I was writing on his calendar in the NICU this morning...and EVERY single day has been a "First" of sorts so here's the rundown...



Wednesday: Born at 1:16 pm 7lb 2oz 19 3/4 in long. Brown hair, savage tan, diaphragmatic hernia...STABLE...cried 2 time for me to hear in the operating room...still STABLE



Thursday: Surgery to repair diaphragmatic hernia (Dr.'s said all along that Friday would be the earliest and best case scenario...took longer than expected, but went "very well" per his surgeon. He was able to repair the hole by pulling the diaphragm together and not having to use a synthetic patch to repair...very STABLE



Friday: Off of the Vent...are you kidding me...very stable...they suggested that you would be on this for a while! They took you off of the Vent at shift change and told us that you would be on a C-PAP machine. When we came back at 9-you were on Vapo-therm(a step below C-Pap)...basically a nasal cannula of oxygen with warm moist air. You remained on 21% (what you and I breathe) but getting 4 liters (a faster flow) STILL STABLE. Dr. Camps informed us that not only were your small intestine's in your chest cavity, but ALSO part of your large intestine, your spleen and your appendix. YET-he is amazed at how great your lungs look! HELLO-can you say miracle!

Saturday: First feed...yep-that's right first feed in your tube. 10 cc's...and you loved it

Sunday: Mommy gets to hold you for the first time! IV out of hand!

Monday: Line taken out of belly button. Tube moved to an NG tube and you are a happy boy to have that tube out of your mouth and in your nose instead...well not really-you try your hardest to pull out the oxygen and your tube!

Tuesday: First Bottle!! Daddy got to hold you for the first time and CHEST TUBE taken out!!! Dropped your oxygen to 2 liters

Wednesday: For your 1 week birthday they took you OFF OF YOUR OXYGEN completely! And as I type you are currently in a "special care" room-no longer in the "critical care" portion of the NICU. Translation...we are closer to the exit sign!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!! I keep telling people that we are not walking with God, we are SPRINTING with God. I pray that one day y'all will get to see his chest x-rays as proof of God's miracles. His first x-ray after surgery looks like he has spaghetti noodles in 1/2 of his chest and his heart is completely squished to the side...now your heart is exactly where it should be and it appears as you have 3/4 lung function on your "squished" lung side. Your neonatologist said that Dr. Shipley (my OB) told him about us in December and he had been worried about you. We talked again today and he said that he was amazed at all you had done in a week. I said I know-I thought we'd still be on the Vent...and he said-or on ECMO. Just to remind you, that's the heart lung bypass machine that they prepared us for him to have to go on...and it sounds like they expected him to go on...but then there's God's plan. As I said earlier this week. God's hand has been described as "amazing", "poster child for diaphragmatic hernia's", "can't believe how well he's done", "he's a little miracle"...and yes he is. He is another one of God's miracles and he just happens to be entrusted to me and Daniel to be his parents.

I can not tell you how I feel, one week later. When I think about everything that God has done to heal him in the last 7 days...there just aren't words. There are no words to describe seeing your child hooked up to machines and wires and wondering, praying, pleading with God that he would be able to breathe on his own. That he would experience a true quality of life. That he would not have any issues with his heart, that he would not have to be on tons of medication or remain on oxygen for a long time. That somehow in all of this, God would work in such a way that people would see his hand and know that it was nothing that the doctors had done...prayers answered.

There are so many things that I can do now, that I feared before. I can throw away the funeral "just in case sheet" that I had hidden and focus on a birth announcement, I can finally purchase a "coming home" outfit, I can buy "brother sister outfits", I can complete his room by adding canvases with his initials, I can wash the bassinet bedding, I can sit in his rocking chair and pray for the day that he comes home....so much to do in a short amount of time...my newest miracle is flying through the NICU and ready to come home to his sister!

So, whatever size shape or form your miracles came in for today...be thankful for them...and don't stop looking for them every day! Thank you all for praying for mine. Here is the verse we have taped in his bassinet at the hospital along with Joshua 1:9, "Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to YOUR name, be the glory because of your love and faithfulness." Psalm 115:1

First Bottle!!

Well this has been quite a week of firsts...but that's tomorrow's post-TODAY, I got to feed Preston Banks his first bottle! Ashley called around 9:30 to say that they wanted to try at the 11am feed...so off I went because feeding him also means holding him! He did awesome-he took 15cc's (3/4) of his little bottle. He really did well-I got so excited I forgot everything I know about giving him jaw support etc...but I was loving every minute of it.

By the time I am able to get pictures up for this post, the chest tube will likely be out! Dr. Camps (the surgeon) said he would be back this afternoon to remove it! This means even more holding, a crib, and a move from "critical care" to "special care" are in our very near future!

So much to praise God for in the last 6 days...I am in awe of it all!

Mommy of a boy rookie mistake...keep it covered...he peed everywhere while I was changing his diaper!!! :) I guess I'll learn soon enough! And I couldn't be more excited!

What it Feels Like...TO BE PRESTON BANKS' MOMMY!!

Most of you know I have been asking you to pray for this day ever since we found out about his hernia! The morning started off bad when Ashley (my cousin's girlfriend who is a NICU nurse- who has helped us through every step of this!) texted at 6:30am to say that she got "Called Off" of work and would not have Preston Banks today! I began SOBBING...I felt much better about leaving him with Ashley, because she is like family...and now I would have to leave him with some complete stranger...why God, I thought. So, Daniel and I went down to the NICU to investigate who his NICU nurse would be for the day. We met Mrs. Jenny and I immediately liked her. We chatted while she filled us in on his feeding progress (up to 10cc's every 3 hours!) and she let me change his diaper!!! I'm not used to boy pieces and parts and I only saw tee tee, UNTIL I went to wipe good...he had poop!! I got all nervous with all of his cords and such and got poop on one of the wires. I used about 20 wipes (you'd think I've never done this before) and laughed at myself!! Daniel had lots to say about how I was doing, yet he never volunteered to help!! Anyway-Mrs. Jenny and I made a connection through a mutual friend and I left to go pump thinking that it would be ok to leave him. She's nice. So, it came time to leave. Daniel and I went up for one last visit as "patients" at the hospital. I was telling all of the nice nurses thank you and I got to Mrs. Jenny. I thanked her for being so kind and told her that I had asked my friends to pray for this day ever since we found out that we would be "NICU parents", and that her kindness would make this day easier. Of course, I began crying and I told her that there's just nothing "normal" about leaving your baby and not even being able to hold him....and here's how our conversation went...

Jenny: Sit Down

Me: huh

Jenny: Sit down, you are going to hold your baby. You are making me cry

Me: OH NO, I might pull out his chest tube or mess up one of the wires or...

Jenny:SIT DOWN!

So, I followed orders and got to hold my precious Preston Banks for the first time! And God smiled and said..."This is what it feels like to be led...."

...thank you Mrs. Jenny-you made this an answered prayer!

So this is what it feels like...

I didn't share this while I was pregnant with Preston Banks because I just sobbed everytime I heard the song. The Thursday of my 32 week ultrasound, when they say "something" but we had to come back Friday because he wasn't in a good position to see what it was-I got into my car STUNNED! Daniel and I pranced into the ultrasound thinking that we were just going to see him, take a few measurements, have an idea of how big he was and then get a general idea for when we might be induced...and then...you know the rest. So, I got into the car, took a deep breath, turned on the car and just sat there crying. The radio was alreay on and it was in the middle of the FFH song "What it feels like" was on. The words to this song spoke to me, and God continued to us it over the next 5 1/2 weeks. The song came on after 5/8 of my doctors appointments. And when we met with the neonatologist and surgeon I got into the car and it came on from the VERY beginning...So, after you listen to the song and hear the words...just know that this is where I was, and am today as I have to leave my little man for the first time. And for wherever God has you-I pray that it will speak to you and remind you that no matter how despirate we are-it's a beautiful place to be lead by God.

So this is what it feels like...

...to see God's miracles...and they are right infront of my face every day...(That's a whole post for another day)

...to be a Mama of two...to feel loved by so many people...to have to watch you baby and not hold him...to know that the best care he can receive comes from someone other than you...to love and hug nurses you've never met before because they give your baby one on one care (or one to two care ratio now that he's doing so well)

...to know that doctors are still just men, and know that God's name sometimes comes in the form of the words "unknown", "not typical", "remarkable progress" when spoken by doctors who are not believers

...to care about what kind of hats, blankets and socks your little man has on...because his chest tube still needs to be in and he can wear clothes AND you CAN'T HOLD HIM UNTIL IT COMES OUT!!!

...to have to leave him today, in the hands of strangers-and feel helpless. I KNOW he's where he needs to be. I KNOW they are giving him the best care and helping him progress so that I can come home...I'm just ready for my head to catch up to what my heart knows. So, as the song says "this may not be the road I would choose for me, but it still feels right somehow-I have never felt you as close to me, as I do right now...this is what it feels like to be lead..."

FFH "What It Feels Like"

So this is what if feels like to walk the wilderness
and this is what if feels like to come undone
So this is what if feels like to loose my confidence
unsure of anything or anyone
So this is what if feels like to walk the desert sand
and this is what if feels like to hear my name
and to be scared to death cause I'm all alone but feel love and peace just the same
And this may not be the road I would choose for me
but it still feels right somehow
And I have never felt you as close to me as I do right now
So this is what if feels like to be led
So this is what if feels like to have it fall apart
to be totally unglued and find out if I accept my brokenness I get more of me, I get all of you
If this is what if feels like to be on shaky ground
Careful of every step I take
Realizing as I stop to look around I look around and see everything a different way
and this may not be the road I would choose for me
but it still feels right somehow
cause I have never felt you as close to me as I do right now
So this is what if feels like to be led
and this is what if feels like to be led
So this is what if feels like to just walk away from everything I thought kept me safe
to depend just on you for every meal and find it's better this way oh it's better this way
And this may not be the road I would choose for me
but it still feels right somehow
And I have never felt you as close to me as I do right now
like i do right now
And this may not be the road I would choose for me
but it still feels right somehow
And I have never felt you as close to me as I do right now
And this is what if feels like to be led
And this is what if feels like to be led
And this is what if feels like

I heard MY little baby cry & got a KISS!

Daniel and I just got back from the NICU and we got to hear 1 little tiny cry! It was precious yet pitiful...I started singing to him and he calmed down. He held our fingers and is doing well off of the vent. He is so precious and I just want to hold him. I think that since God has broken every marker for when they thought he might "do things" that maybe I'll get to hold him before that 1-2 week time frame! We took a little video of him tonight because we are FINALLY going to get to see Mary Wallace tomorrow morning. I can't wait for her to see his pictures and give her her "princess shoes and magic wand" from Preston Banks. His NICU nurse, Jennifer, gave us a hat and one of his diapers for her to have today too...she's going to LOVE everything and I can't wait to kiss her!!!! Love to you all-thank you so much for your prayers and support. Can't wait to update you tomorrow!

PS Some of you have asked about meals. Brenna set up the care calendar link on the left of our Blog.

Prayers on the FAST TRACK!!

This is Elizabeth-I'm typing my prayer and ask you to join me. They are about to take Preston Banks OFF OF THE VENT and put him on a C-PAP!!!!! Yes, he wasn't even supposed to have had surgery yet...and now we're trying to come off of the vent. We are not just walking with God, we are SPRINTING with God!! God, I pray that you will make Preston Banks' transition smooth. I pray that he will remain as stable and calm as he has been for the past 48 hours. I pray for the hands that will touch him to be gentle and accurate. I pray that you will keep his levels exactly where they have been. I pray that his lung tissue will continue to grow and function as you have already provided...and I pray that I get to HEAR HIM CRY!!!!!!~I'll update later-E

Yep-we're up...its 12:30 AM!

Someone decided to pull the fire alarm...how kind of them, so Daniel is taking this opportunity to go and take another picture of him for me! We got to see him before rounds and then again after rounds tonight. He is still pretty sedated from the surgery, but beginning to come out of the "fog". He opened his eyes and kept them open while Daniel and I were talking to him! I then sang "God is So Good" to him. It's one of Mary Wallace's favorites and he's used to hearing it every night while he's been in my tummy-so why not have his own rendition!

Everything is about the same. They upped the level of the ventilator to 40% not because he needed it but because they are trying to keep him comfortable and let him rest since he had surgery and want to give him time to heal. Everything else is the same-the last "blood gas" test was normal.

Daniel and I were talking earlier and I feel like we've been watching a movie of our lives but in EXTREME slow motion over the last 48 hours. Thank you to each of you who have prayed, sent cards, written e-mails and Facebook messages, flowers, food, goodies-and for giving us our space these last 48 hours. We look forward to seeing you tomorrow :)